Courtney Allen - WBFF Diva Fit Model Competitor

So much more to gain...

Photo credit SFX Photography

When I joined The Elite Heat some time back, I never expected to compete. And then a star fell from the sky, knocked some sense into me and I remembered how much I love to challenge myself. So I competed. And I was hooked!! Then I decided to do more than be active, fit and strong. I decided I wanted to re sculpt my body and embark on an unexpectedly LOOOOONG road of bulking. 

Last summer marked the start of a new 2 year acting conservatory at William Esper. This was on the heels of my first competition, and the beginning stages of "bulking". I can recall taking pride in my new body, enjoying the look and feel of things and quietly blushing at the lovely compliments I received from my classmates. Then things progressed, and bulking got REAL! I was new to it all and had no idea what to expect, on any level. 

A few months in, I realized I couldn’t fit into some of my favorite clothing. A close friend told me that I looked “Full”….and secretly, I wanted to cry. In those moments I began to recognize an ugliness that I’d let seep into my spirit making me insecure about my physical imperfection. I was heartbroken by the idea of having developed an insecurity with my transformation. But even more so, I was deeply disappointed with myself. How could I have become so shallow? So superficial? How would this affect me as an actress? I can't be this fluffy? What is this extra stuff? But wait, why am I judging it? What standards was I trying to measure up to?  And as I beat myself up over this, I fell deeper and deeper into my discomfort and confusion. It was no longer just a physical thing. This journey began to open itself up as an emotional struggle. Between training, and classes, I felt like a train wreck. But I continued to push.Through the extra pounds, the ripped jeans, the "harmless comments".... One day at a time. I allowed myself to experience these very human feelings. These very human ups and downs. These very human doubts and struggles. I stopped judging them. And myself. In doing that, I slowly began to heal. I allowed myself to experience the process more freely, openly and with unconditional love. I began to restore a healthy body image, reignite my relationship with food and find a NEW, more comfortable balance with who I am, where I am going and everything in between. Sure, my body is my temple. But my spirit is the intangible essence that is Me.

I will be honest and admit that I absolutely eat for pleasure. For joy. For experience. But that all takes on new meaning for me. I find joy and pleasure in eating healthy foods that make my body feel amazing. I take pride in working out and find that I am building both my body and my character when I lift like a beast and sweat like an animal. I am proud of the skin I am in, with all of its muscles, lady lumps, curves AND human flaws. As I look back on the past year plus, I am glad to have allowed myself to fall apart in order to find treasures painfully hidden in the nooks, crannies and crevices of my being. Grateful to my family and friends for their patience and to my partner in crime, my Elite Heat Sis, Dawn, who got me to the gym at 630am on those cold winter mornings when all I wanted to do was roll over and sleep. Thanks for weathering the storm right along with me. I am bringing both of our hard work, blood, sweat and tears to the stage! It was only after I allowed things to get messy, that I was able to begin making myself whole again. This time, stronger, bolder, wiser, happier and with more mass

At just 6 weeks out, after missing out on THREE (3) previous WBFF shows over the course of 7 months, I asked myself “Court. Why do this? Why compete?” ....In that moment I could not answer the thought. I could only keep searching for the “Why?” until finally it hit me, in the most random moments. I am sure I was stuffing my face with asparagus when I was reminded “You are doing this as a celebration of all you have done to become who you are today.” It has never been about competing with anyone other than myself. And my very best.

Thankful to my coach for trusting me enough to allow me to learn. First go round, I relied so much on what I was being told to do, every step of the way. This time around, I am applying knowledge learned from others while finding my own way. I will walk away from this experience feeling grounded, armed with information and full of confidence in tomorrow. It's strange to imagine just how amped I am about post show maintenance, but the truth is, this is my new life. My new body. And my new perspective.

I am excited to take the stage, in my home town of NEW YORK CITY, and celebrate my courage to break myself down only to build a stronger, better version of myself. How wonderful to share that joy with my beautiful and supportive family AT HOME! The road to the WBFF NYC Stage has been so much more than a fitness adventure. It has been a journey and evolution of my full person.