Follow Suehade as she makes her Fitness America Bikini debut!

No longer a wall flower...

Growing up I was always that girl, the girl that can eat whatever she wanted and slide right into her double zero jeans (which were extremely hard to find).  I was always skinny and I could out eat any body. Eventually my poor eating habits caught up with me. During my early twenties, I managed to put on 35 pounds! I was never fat, but I became what is known today as “skinny fat”.  People began to make comments about my weight gain and it opened up a whole mess of insecurities. It wasn’t until someone congratulated me on my pregnancy (I wasn’t pregnant) that sent me running to the gym.

I worked out for two years and I couldn’t understand why I didn’t have any muscle definition, no abs, no “toned” arms or legs. I was training with a trainer who placed me on a 850 calorie diet and a workout program that consisted of me running for miles. I became a skeleton. I got frustrated and became sloppy with my meals again and stopped going to the gym. I slowly started gaining the weight back, I panicked and decided to go back to the same trainer. I had my gym bag packed and ready to go back to my old trainer but my friend convinced me to try a small and upcoming gym in Brooklyn. I heard about the gym before but I tend to stick to what I know.  Nonetheless, my friend convinced me to go with her.

I met my new trainer and attended a few sessions. Within the first week I was hooked. I signed up right away.  I’ve learned and am still learning so much from my trainer. After a few months, I started seeing results.  I approached one of my coaches and told him I wanted more muscles. We discussed my goals and my program was reassessed. My calories went up and I began lifting heavy weights for the first time. I was benching, squatting, dead lifting, and overhead pressing. I was in love! I loved and still love every minute of weighting training.  My body was changing and I was becoming stronger. I was doing things that I never thought I could. Every goal I set they helped me not only meet it, but exceed it. I found my love of weights here and I also found myself. I became more confident and more comfortable in my skin.

My best friend quickly picked up on my obsession with working out and showed me a picture of a friend who began competing and was a member of the Elite heat. I was blown away by her transformation and admired her for competing. One night I decided to show the picture to my sister. She too was blown away. She then looked at me and said “You should compete too.”  A thousand excuses came to mind and all my insecurities instantly overcame me. My sister knocked every one of them down.  She kept saying “message her and ask her.” You see, my sister and I are complete opposites. She’s the social butterfly and I’m the quiet wallflower. She sees, she wants, she gets. I see, I dream, and do nothing about it. I thought about it a lot. I wanted to do it but I couldn’t find it within me to go for it.

My friend had asked me to join her for a boot camp class she got off of groupon. She told me our friend would be attending and I would have someone to talk about my love of fitness with. Our friend couldn’t make it but after our third session, Malenna ended the class and asked us to write down our names and email. A few days later, she emailed me and asked me if I would be interested in competing. I played it cool and said “sounds interesting”. She stated she will be accepting new members in a few months. I just thought it wasn’t for me. A whole year went by and I couldn’t shake the idea off.  Then I received another email about a workshop for those interested in competing. I decided to go. I missed so many opportunities to do amazing things due to my own fears and insecurities. I wanted to finally do something for me. I wanted to actually go for it. I knew competing would help me overcome my shyness. I turned once again to my sister. She calmed my nerves (yes, I was nervous to attend the workshop!) and told me to go for it. I was embarrassed to even say it out loud, in fear of judgment or being laughed at.  I went to the workshop and signed up, never admitting to Malenna that I wanted to compete.

Before I knew it, I was prepping for my first show. I was given a workout plan and my food intake was being monitored. I was learning even more about my body and about myself. For me the journey is not about winning it’s about doing something out side of my comfort zone.  It’s about finally going after something and not allowing fear to hold me back. It’s a personal journey. I decided to keep this experience to myself, to block all the negative comments that may come about.  I needed to do this for myself, no distractions. I let my trainer know (which took me three weeks because I was super nervous) and he was on board and has been supporting me ever since. My mom, sister and my best friend have also been a great support system and I am so thankful for them. I’ve met so many beautiful girls on this team helping me and cheering me on this new journey.

Throughout this experience I’ve challenged myself mentally as well as physically.  I am so glad to be surrounded by amazing women and an amazing coach.  I am extremely thankful and can not express in words the gratitude I have for my coach and team.  I can’t wait for May 17!