Follow Clare as she makes her Fitness America Bikini debut!

Fearless...

"In all my 48 years, I have never owned a bikini. Ever until now"

Something happened to me when I hit my 40's - I woke up one day and was tired of settling for what was staring back at me in the mirror.  Like most women, I struggle daily with body image and tend to see only my flaws.   Given that, the decision to train for a fitness competition is some what difficult for me to explain, even to myself. I've always enjoyed sports in some form as a child. I began running for fitness in college, and have continued with that throughout the years, finishing a couple of marathons and a number of shorter races. But always, in the back of my mind, I wanted a certain look. Why didn't I look like I worked as hard as I felt like I was?

Pushing myself through endless cardio classes didn't seem to be getting me where I wanted to be, but I realized now the issue was in my head. I was afraid to acknowledge that I wanted to look cut, to look athletic.  It seemed shallow to me - if I was healthy, why should I be unhappy with how I looked? Especially when I had a job I loved as well, as a network producer. It seemed unseemly to be complaining about something like my abs.

As an adult, I moved on to sports where looks didn't matter. I learned to play ice hokey at 40 and play on 3 teams.  Having been afraid of team sports, fearing I would be picked last, be the weakest, etc, it's been a joy to experience what being on a team means.  I also took up triathalons four years ago despite a paralyzing fear of swimming.  For the most part, I have been able to work past my fears. All of them except the fear of how I look, and being openly judged about it.  But last year, a number of things happened that changed my outlook.

• surgery on a torn hamstring that would sideline me from most cardio activity for months
• turning 48 which meant 50 was just around the corner

A friend of mine, Kelly Kalley, did her first bikini fitness competition with WBFF in Montreal.  A fashion designer with a great sense of style, Kelly seemed fearless. I remember saying to her that I couldn't imagine putting myself out there to be judged in that way.  But her journey intrigued me more and more as it went on, and I resolved to get past my surgery and refocus my training.  If she could stay so impressively fit without a lot of  cardio, I wanted to see if I could do it as well.  But the training is only half the battle. As they say, you cannot train a bad diet, and I needed real help. That's when an article in the Wall Street Journal, by a woman who reminded me of, well me, caught my eye. Alyssa Abkowitz-Cendrowski wrote a great story about her coach Malenna Saunders, and a team named the Elite Heat describing her journey to the competititve stage. It was clear from Alyssa's story that diet was the missing link in my regime, but I needed a road map, and I didn't want to do it alone. 

When I met with Malenna and the team members I realized I didn't have to. With Malenna's help, and starting with the Advocare 24 Day Challenge, I have been able to revamp how I eat, and while it hasn't been easy. it truly was the missing link in the chain. 

The final fear to face will be standing on that stage. But I know I can face it with the help of my great coach and wonderfully supportive teammates.  Losing those fears and hangups is the best weight loss I can ever imagine.