The world is my stage.....
My fitness journey has been just that - a journey. A journey filled with self doubt and fear. I've been struggling to lose weight my entire adult life. I'm a confident girl, but I've never been able to look in the mirror and feel confident about my body. I would look at the other girls and friends and think , " I wish I had that small waist or tight stomach", but in truth wouldn't stick to a diet long enough to have it. I am an aspiring actress and at the end of the day, the last thought I want to have when I don't book a role is ' Is it because of the way I look?' My weight has fluctuated over the years but never to a point where I felt like it was my best. This is where I had it wrong. I needed to worry less about my weight and more about my lifestyle. I had to ask myself what does it take to have the body I want. Well, for starters it takes a lifestyle, not a quick fix diet that will put me back in the same position once it was over. In the past, I've had personal trainer, worked out 5-6 days a week but I learned all that was useless unless I decided to change the way I eat. 
2013 I decided to give it another go. I was looking for a personal trainer in which I could feel comfortable with and who would motivate me to push myself. I met Malenna Jan 2013, and shortly learned that she was just what I needed and more. Although, she had been consistent in doing her part, I was not. I still wasn't giving it 100 percent. IT'S HARD. VERY HARD. Food makes me happy. I needed something sweet everyday to fulfill my cravings. I started slowly winging myself off tings such as pastas, breads, and alcohol. After about 6 months of training with her, she started telling me more about her team and about competing. I wasn't really listening because I didn't think someone like me had the will power to get onstage to compete in a fitness competition. I didn't think I could be determined enough to say not to my cocktails, bagels, cakes, cookies, and so forth. Actually, I didn't want to. But how could I get the body I wanted if I wasn't willing to make sacrifices? Well I couldn't. I would ask her questions and even started searching online for what it took to compete but I stayed quiet for so long about it because i as afraid of saying it out loud. Me compete? Yeah right.
About 3 months ago, I still wasn't making the progress I wanted to make so I told Malenna that I thought I wanted to compete. Without hesitation, she said, " Okay. I know you can do it" She has had so much confidence in me from the beginning and it's because of her confidence and faith in me, that I am doing this. I knew at the end of the day, if I set a goal to compete in a fitness competition, that I would do my absolute hardest because I didn't want to be the 'big girl' onstage next to all the other sexy athletes.Here I am eleven weeks later and I have to honestly admit that it's been probably the hardest experience of my life. I struggled the entire time and my biggest one was saying no to sweets. Sugar is really addictive. Yes, I failed at time. No I didn't devour cakes and cookies like I used to. The most important thing is I really gave it all I got. This has definitely been a learning experience. Do I have the body I always imagined? No, I don't but I do have the best body I have ever had in my life. I am still earning and struggling. This isn't the end for me. In fact, I wanted to compete to make a new beginning for myself. I wanted to learn self control and discipline so that I could input that in other ares of my life as well. If I want the body of my dreams. I have to control what I put into it - bottom line. I've lost more than 20 pounds, and will continue to get better from here. After this show is over, I will take time to reflect on my mistakes and work hard to get better. This isnt' over and I'm looking forward to living a git and healthy lifestyle.
