Picture Perfect...
I am both a perfectionist and extremely competitive. Sometimes, this makes competing really difficult. In a sport where there is no such thing as perfection and where winning is completely subjective it is really difficult for someone who strives for both to accept that neither is in your control.
My first show was this past July with the WBFF. Every day for seven months leading up to the competition, I did everything perfectly. I never skipped a workout, always ate exactly to hit my macros, drank at least 6 liters of water, and went to every posing session. I told myself if I did everything perfectly and gave prep everything I had physically, mentally, and emotionally, I had to place top five. I had to walk away with something.
Show day came, and it was the most wonderful, exciting and exhilarating thing I had ever been a part of. Standing backstage, I was so proud of myself for what I had accomplished. I knew that I had given this everything I had and left it all out on the stage. I worked my ass off and my entire life I had come to know that hard work = results. The more work you put in, the more results you achieve. I had worked so hard. I had to walk away with something. They called out the names for top 5 and mine was not one of them. I remember walking off the stage feeling completely defeated, like the last seven months of killing myself to do this show had just come and gone and I was left with nothing to show for it. My mom and my little sister had flown all the way from California to be there to support me. I wanted them to see me win. I had put this show before everything and everyone, and I wanted that to mean ...something.
What I didn't realize until a few weeks had passed, was that even though I didn't have a medal or trophy to show for my hard work, I had everything else to show for it. In seven months, I had transformed into someone so strong, confident and sure of herself that I hardly recognized myself anymore. I had heard so many times from my amazing coaches and teammates that you should never do a show just to win, and while I didn't realize that's what I was doing, that's exactly what I was doing. No one's opinion of you should define you or cause you to question your worth, especially a panel of judges who define 'winners' by the size of their glutes or the caps of their shoulders. A 'winner' does not necessarily always win - a winner is someone who goes out there and tries. And then goes out there and tries even harder next time. Winners compete to better themselves, not be better than others.
So, I decided to get back on the horse and compete again, but this time with the mentality that win or lose, the outcome really doesn't matter. I'm already better than I was before, so as far as I'm concerned, I've already won. There is a difference between posting ' It's YOU v YOU' and 'BE your best self' under your instagram pictures, and knowing that when you stop comparing yourself to other people and start only competing with yourself, there is no limit to how amazing you can be.
