Follow Sabrina to the WBFF Diva Bikini Stage

Picture Perfect...

I am both a perfectionist and extremely competitive.  Sometimes, this makes competing really difficult.  In a sport where there is no such thing as perfection and where winning is completely subjective it is really difficult for someone who strives for both to accept that neither is in your control.
My first show was this past July with the WBFF.  Every day for seven months leading up to the competition, I did everything perfectly.  I never skipped a workout, always ate exactly to hit my macros, drank at least 6 liters of water, and went to every posing session.   I told myself if I did everything perfectly and gave prep everything I had physically, mentally, and emotionally, I had to place top five. I had to walk away with something.

Show day came, and it was the most wonderful, exciting and exhilarating thing I had ever been a part of. Standing backstage, I was so proud of myself for what I had accomplished.  I knew that I had given this everything I had and left it all out on the stage. I worked my ass off and my entire life I had come to know that hard work = results.  The more work you put in, the more results you achieve.  I had worked so hard. I had to walk away with something.

They called out the names for top 5 and mine was not one of them. I remember walking off the stage feeling completely defeated, like the last seven months of killing myself to do this show had just come and gone and I was left with nothing to show for it.  My mom and my little sister had flown all the way from California to be there to support me. I wanted them to see me win. I had put this show before everything and everyone, and I wanted that to mean ...something.

What I didn't realize until a few weeks had passed, was that even though I didn't have a medal or trophy to show for my hard work, I had everything else to show for it.  In seven months, I had transformed into someone so strong, confident and sure of herself that I hardly recognized myself anymore. I had heard so many times from my amazing coaches and teammates that you should never do a show just to win, and while I didn't realize that's what I was doing, that's exactly what I was doing. No one's opinion of you should define you or cause you to question your worth, especially a panel of judges who define 'winners' by the size of their glutes or the caps of their shoulders.  A 'winner' does not necessarily always win - a winner is someone who goes out there and tries.  And then goes out there and tries even harder next time. Winners compete to better themselves, not be better than others.

So, I decided to get back on the horse and compete again, but this time with the mentality that win or lose, the outcome really doesn't matter. I'm already better than I was before, so as far as I'm concerned, I've already won.  There is a difference between posting ' It's YOU v YOU' and 'BE your best self' under your instagram pictures, and knowing that when you stop comparing yourself to other people and start only competing with yourself, there is no limit to how amazing you can be.

Follow Tanisha as she makes her WBFF Transformation Debut!

When the party stops....

I started this journey because I knew that I was overweight and needed to start working out and eating right to lose weight. I decided to put the party girl on hold for a bit and started on a consistent workout program doing boot camps along with changing my eating habits and started to see progress and wanted to keep it up. I never knew about fitness competitions. Once I found out about them, it was something that I did not have any interest in doing.  One day, I asked myself what did I need to to push me to get into shape and live a healthy lifestyle and the solution that I came up with was to prepare for a fitness competition.

I have learned a lot on this journey. At one point, I wasn't comfortable using all of the equipment in the gym but this journey forced me to do what I needed to do in the gym which has now made me super comfortable using all the equipment.  I've learned what works for me nutrition wise, what doesn't and how hard I can push myself in the gym.  How and when to listen to my body and when my mind is telling me yes but my BODY is telling me no. The journey has mentally strengthened me.  I have leaned self control on a different level.  This journey has also been a bit hard health wise since I have type 1 diabetes.  Finding that balance with working out so often, having a limited diet and maintaining stable blood sugar levels has run into some challenges.  I've encountered more than enough hypoglycemic episodes trying to maintain the balance. Through the challenges though, I am still here fighting through to the end.  I am happy that this journey is nearing its' end. I look forward to walking the stage this weekend.

Follow Shelley as she makes her WBFF Diva Fit Model Debut!!!

Circle of Life...

Spring 2010 and my junior year at Johnson & Wales University in Providence, RI.  My team of four just received our direct work experience project from our professor.  We would be doing a consultant project for Kevin Topka and his gym, Body Language Spoken.  When my group and I were researching Kevin, we were shocked that he was a professional bodybuilder, and put on these "body building competitions".  We pulled up to his gym a few days later and saw all these huge muscle men trophies in the windows.  I remember joking that he would probably break my hand when he shook it.  I mean come on, this guy is huge!  We worked with Kevin for a few months, built relationships,presented our work to him, and then the trimester was over.  When I returned to Providence, after my summer abroad trip, I noticed I gained a lot of weight.  Nervously, I reached out to Kevin to see if we could meet.  Right away, he put me on a 21 day cleanse and taught me the ins and outs of clean eating and living a healthy lifestyle.  On that day, I weighed in at 166lbs and 32.59% body fat.  I couldn't believe it. I was considered obese.  It was time to change my life around.

November 2010, after training with Kevin all summer he asked if I could help work behind the scenes at his annual Body Language Natural Physique Association New England Championship Show. I absolutely said yes.  I honestly thought all these girls were going to look like 'men' but I was wrong. Watching those girls on stage in their sparkling bikinis, tanned skin, toned ( but not super bulging) muscles.  I was stunned.  I wanted to do that.  I mean, they did it. Why couldn't I?  Long story short, there was no way I could fit comp prep into my routine. I was a full time senior in college working two part time jobs, and president of my sorority.  I used to study on the elliptical just to get a workout in.  However, the thought of competing never left my head.

Fast forward four years later, I'm working  in NYC with a full time job at Alternative Investments.  I managed to make it to the gym to lift 3-4 times a week and meal prep, even though I was utterly exhausted from work.  I was still trying to follow the healthy lifestyle habits I had learned just a few years prior.  I followed so many fitness competitors on social media still with the thought in the back of my mind that I wanted to be on stage one day too.  Before I knew it, business picked up and the hours got longer.  The only way to get the work done was to skip the gym.  Soon enough, I was working 10-12 hour days on a regular basis, eating out every day, binge drinking, and being a couch potato on the weekends because I was too tired to do anything else.  The stress was REAL.  I was utterly miserable, depressed and felt disgusted every time I looked in the mirror.  I promised myself that when 2015 started I would do what it took to become a better me.

In the beginning of 2015, I switched jobs, still in the same field, but with half the stress as before.  I finally had free time again.  I slowly got myself back into a gym routine, but something was missing. I knew I needed help to get me where I wanted to be fitness wise, and possibly get on stage.  One Saturday morning, I was at SWERVE, a spin class in Manhattan with a colleague, and ran into an old college friend, Lauren Lelli, who happened to be a WBFF pro.  She told me about her competition experience, her team, (The Elite Heat) and her amazing coach, Malenna Saunders.  I contacted Malenna right away, because this seemed to be the part of my life I was missing. Within a few weeks I was on the Heat 9 crew with my fellow fit sisters training throughout the summer.

Competition prep was rough, both physically and mentally.  Physically, I was excited to be in the weight room.  I enjoy pushing myself, and watching the amount of weight I could lift increase each week.  The heavier I lifted, the more gains I would have.  Who doesn't love the gains?  At the same time, it is tiring pushing your body that much. Mentally, I didn't realize who would actually be there to support me. When I completely switched up my lifestyle and was restricted on doing the same things as others, I began to see people's true colors.  Some friendships were lost, but others were gained in this incredible journey.  I felt that a majority of my prep was a mind game as well as a self-reflection.  It took a lot of will power to say no to food and alcohol.  Also, I had to constantly remind myself that I am doing this for me, and no one else.

Time is almost here until I make my first appearance on the WBFF New England stage and I could not be more excited.  After five years of having this dream goal in the back of my head, it is finally about to become a reality.  I am beyond grateful and appreciative of everyone who has been there for me throughout this journey.  Words cannot express how much your support means. Thank you! Cheers to meal prep Sundays, Costco trips, team sprints, lifting sessions, fasted cardio, ab circuits, pull ups, day dreaming about pumpkin spice everything, photo shoots, posing practices...Countless memories to last a lifetime.

No matter your situation, always remember to KEEP GRINDING!  Someone you don't even know is rooting for you, while someone you know isn't.

Kyedi's Journey to NPC Easterns

Two Steps Forward,..Two Steps Back

It is one year later, and I am competing in the NPC Figure Division for the second time.  In the Brooklyn, I placed fifth in both novice and open, which is considered to be a great start.  Of course, with the help of crtiques, there is always room for improvement.  After the show, I did put on a substantial amount of weight. (40lbs to be exact) due to reintroducing certain foods back into my diet too quickly and some food sensitivities.  I never thought I would put the weight back on especially knowing where I had originally started 10 years ago, close to 300 lbs.  

Somone said to me your “Your off season diet determines your prep when you’re on season”.  It's definitely a lifestyle , not a phase.  This prep was tougher than the first in regards to my diet, which was more restricted, since I had a lot of weight to lose.  It's ok, even though this prep is for my upcoming show, it helped me to get back into shape. Not only did my weight come down, my conditioning and muscularity improved during this process.  My total weight loss to date is 130lbs. 

There are times in life when you have to take two steps back to take one step forward.  I had to go back to the drawing board with both my food and workouts.  With the help of various people I was able to establish a new foundation to get my butt back into shape. I also had to factor in school because it was my graduation year, and my son's graduation year.  During this time, I was able to start my prep and see results instantly.  Once the school year was over I was able to focus on prepping for my next show.  

I am fortunate to have the support of my family and friends through this journey because there are some people that wal this path alone.  A great support system is much needed and appreciated.  the critiques and honesty of the people who have been with me on this second journey to stage is 

greatly appreciated.  It’s not easy as a single parent to balance work, home and school.  If you want something bad enough, you would make every effort to make time for it and get it.  I love to train and compete.  I love the way it makes me feel and look. It feels good when people tell you that you inspire them, especially once they learn of your story which I do not have a problem sharing.  I am proud of what has been accomplished and able to compete once again in the NPC Easterns

We are so proud of this girl. Please show your support via message, comment or attendance at Kyedi's first nationals appearance. 

FRIDAY Featured Athlete - Clare

Nonstop Champion....

It’s one thing to set a goal - it’s quite another to know how to connect your actions to that goal.  I had always enjoyed working out and aspired to being fit, but if I am being honest, I also wanted to look the part, to look like I worked as hard as I did.  I enjoyed running and taking classes, and in 2010, I began training with a triathlon team to attempt to conquer my fear and dislike of swimming.  To some degree, I succeeded - I’ve managed to complete several triathlons, but near constant panic attacks in the water always meant I was last out of the water and I could never make it up on the bike or run.  I am a competitive person, and constantly coming last was tough to take.    The other thing that was frustrating - not looking like I wanted to look.  I felt a bit shallow admitting it to myself, but I wanted to look fit, cut, not skinny-fat as I seemed to, no matter how hard I trained.

In February of 2012, I tore one of my hamstring tendons playing ice hockey and spent the following months trying anything and everything to avoid surgery - to no avail.  Having surgery meant I would have to give up running and biking for months while I went through rehab, and I honestly wasn’t sure I could handle it.  But by spring of 2013, it was clear I didn’t have a choice, and I was going to have to put endurance training aside temporarily and find a new aspect of fitness on which to focus.  As I was getting ready for hip surgery, I happened to read an article in the Wall Street Journal by Elite Heat team member Alyssa Cendrowski, who wrote about training with Malenna for her first fitness competition.  I had never thought of trying this, and thought I’d never have the nerve, and was much too old, to take the stage in a bikini.  I had never owned a regular bikini, much less a tiny, sparkly one.  The only bathing suits I ever wore were of the one piece Speedo variety.  But I wanted to look the part.  I contacted Malenna and began setting new goals - if I couldn’t run, bike or do much lower body exercise, I could learn to do pull ups.   I was really worried about gaining weight, not having all that cardio to fall back on, but the fact was, the cardio wasn’t getting it done anyway.  Working with Malenna, I learned you can’t out-train a bad diet.  Starting with the Advocare 24 day cleanse, I became much more aware of what I was eating and what it was - and wasn’t - doing for me.  Gradually, I let myself believe that I could prep for a show, and in May 2014 I competed at Fitness America.  It was easily one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done, and while I didn’t place very high, I ended up a better and fitter athlete as a result.  In fact, the day after the show, I raced a duathlon - a run/bike/run event, a triathlon with no swimming.   No swim meant no panic attacks and no anxiety - and thanks to focused strength training, I am much more injury proof than I used to be.  Many runners and endurance athletes skimp on weights and it’s a mistake.  But it took training with Elite Heat to take it to heart. I’ve been focusing on endurance sports this year, and have qualified for the age-group Duathlon World Championships in Australia this year and Spain next year.  My running has improved greatly as well, and I am hoping to qualify for the Boston Marathon.  As I turn 50 in two months, I’m in better shape than a decade ago, and looking forward to what’s next.  I’m not the best, the fastest, the most talented - not by a long shot.   But I keep showing up at the start line.

Follow Hecthan as he makes his WBFF Debut!!!

The Road to Perfection

This has been a long bumpy road to get here. I say this because of all the obstacles I had to adapt to and overcome. Skipping drinks at social gatherings, to eating prepped food (which I thank my wife for her huge help) and eating totally differently. Recovering from nasal surgery, and doing double shifts in law enforcement and still making time to lift at the gym is NOT easy.

It all comes down to how badly you want it.  There will never be enough time in the day.You just have to make it happen. So with the motivation and support of my wife, whom gave me idea to try it out, I decided to take the challenge, and push my body further.  As I stated before, I had to make the time. So my days of Muay Thai/Cardio, lifting , eating and work....FOCUS and PROGRESS leads to PERFECTION

WBFF Diva Bikini Competitor Kiya!!

Better than Before

The date of the WBFF NYC show is a benchmark for me in many ways.  Not only is it my second show with WBFF but July 11th, 2014 marked the last day at a company I loved and believed I would build a long career.  At that time, I was devastated that a decision had been made for me about my career and its' future.  I thought what would be next after taking a risk and trying something new.  I accepted my fate, even though I thought I didn't have a plan on my next steps.



I refocused my energy on myself and set out on a mission of self discovery, happiness, and balance.  I figured I couldn't fail if I took a risk on myself at the end of this journey. I leaped off the edge and found myself stronger, more confident and able to tackle any obstacle in front of me.  A year of self discovery, hard work, and perseverance has gotten me where I am today. It's not easy being judged on anything you do.  I know from my experiences, that if you put the work into yourself, no one can ever take that away from you.  I am here and in less than 2 days, I will hopefully take home a win not only for me but for my team, the Elite Heat.  With each challenge over the last year, I've grown exponentially, more than I could have ever imagined.  It's time to celebrate!! Nothing will stop me now.

Follow Jasmine as she makes her WBFF Diva Fit Model Debut!!!

With Love, Dignity and Pride

In just two days, I will be stepping on the WBFF stage for the second time in 8 months.  Throughout this entire prep all I an think is, what in the world was I thinking doing this again?!?! But here I am.  There is just something about the sport that makes you want to see just how far you can go.  To see just how much your body can take and how much better you can make yourself inside and out.  The idea of being able to do something the average person couldn't even fathom, and successfully too, excites me.  Unless you have been on this side, no one will ever understand the discipline it takes.  The physical pain and shock you put your body through on a daily basis, and more importantly, the mental games it can sometimes play with your mind is ...well mind blowing.  The moment I step off stage, I know all that hard work has paid off.  I again, accomplished something the average person couldn't. I went up there a better version of myself and no matter the outcome, I couldn't be more proud.  Now, I can finally be reminded as to why I'm doing this again.

Eight months ago, I competed in WBFF Rhode Island as a bikini competitor.  I took 5th place in a class of around 20-30 incredibly fit females and was in utter disbelief.  I expected to jut go up there, look good, and have a great time.  I came off that stage with so much more.  That moment was hands down, one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  This year, I am competing in the fit model division at WBFF NYC where the women are a bit leaner and a bit more muscular.  Even with all the incredible competition I'll be facing, I am excited.  This is exactly where I want to be in terms of how I would like my body to progress.  Always being very petite, I am sure that I will be going on stage a little smaller than the rest of the women, and still, that doesn't bother me one bit.  Knowing that I'll be going up there better, stronger, and leaner than last time is all I need

My support, just like before is amazing, especially from my family.  My mother's been a life saver this entire prep. With working crazy hours and trying to find time to train, even if it has to be at midnight, she preps all my meals for me and makes sure I'm all ready for every single day.  Without her, there is no doubt I would have crashed and burned as soon as I started. My father asks me to see my progress almost as much as my coach does, and trust me, sugar coating anything is not an option for him.  My sister, who was literally my backbone the first time I competed has taken a small step back which I appreciate so much.  It's given me a sense of responsibility and leadership.  I used to drag her everywhere with me from my workouts to picking which suit I should buy.  She's showed me that I am able to do this on my own, but being one call away when I need her.  My younger brother doesn't have much to say about it, but the moment I mentioned the tickets for the show, he didn't hesitate one bit to ask how much and when can he buy one.  Lastly, my boyfriend has been a major part in my success, more than he will ever know.  He is a competitor in NPC and understands what I go through more than anyone.  He keeps me in check with my food, my workouts, and motivates me every single day.  Words wouldn't be able to explain how thankful I am to have him by my side.  My family has forever been a backbone and will always continue to be.  Everyday I thank God that he's blessed me with such an amazing boyfriend and amazing parents and siblings.  I am one of the lucky ones.

I never want to use the word easy because nothing at all about this was easy, so I'll use the word smooth.  The second time around went a bit smoother for me. This time, I knew a little bit more about what to expect and what I was getting myself into.  I was prepared.  My discipline was better than last time and my attitude is also.  That's what it's all about.  Being better than the last time.  In a few days, I am going to step on stage for the second time, MUCH better than the last time.  And still with all the blood, sweat and tears put into this.  All the sore body parts, the sleepless nights, social seclusion, the countless dollars and endless work, I can almost guarantee, this next time you see me on that stage, will not be the last time.

Follow Daphne as she makes her WBFF Fitness Diva Model Debut!!!

Continuing the Journey to Learn, Grow, and INSPIRE....

Here I go again.  This Saturday, I will be on stage competing with the WBFF Show in NYC!!  Preparing for this competition was nothing like the first time around.

In April 2014, my goal was to face my fear of getting on stage in a bikini.  I couldn't tell you how afraid I was with just the thought, let alone actually going through with it.  But none the less, it turned out to be one of the best moments in my life.  I had such a great experience prepping for my first show.  I just made up my mind that the only thing I was going to do was to have fun and showcase my hard work.  Ad that's exactly what happened.  I had the time of my life.  Still nervous as hell, but I had a blast. I promised myself to live in every moment and appreciate it, instead of thinking about the 'competition' aspect of the show. 

That evening, I placed second in Diva Bikini Masters. I was so proud of myself and happy that I was able to do something that made my daughter proud of me.  She was one of the biggest motivations.  As parents, we sometimes look for moments for our children to do things to make us look good. I think it should be the opposite.  As parents, we should constantly work on ourselves and have our children feel proud of us.  They will learn to understand what it takes to motivate and inspire themselves and others.  

With that being said, after I placed second, I couldn't wait to prepare for my next competition and see if I can 'bring a better package to the stage' as a competitor would say.  But after binging on not so clean food, I ended up looking like I did when I had prepped before my first comp.  I was so disappointed in myself and had my first setback.  I started doubting whether or not I could even do this. When I finally found the motivation to 'go hard' in the gym again, I pushed too hard and my left arm went numb.  I pusched hard with the wrong mindset and wrong motivation.  I pushed with anger, anxiety and pressure that I believed people placed on me.  The 'people' aka the voices of insecurities started creeping in.  Mine said ' You placed second. Everyone will expect you to place first'  ' People are expecting you to get your pro card.

I was no longer having fund and couldn't remember why I was even doing this anymore.  Am I doing this because I am trying to prove something? What and to who? Am I doing this because my coach worked so hard to get me to this point and I don't want to let her down? Am I doing this because I received so much praise the first time and I need it to feel good about myself? Am I doing this because this is the one thing that brought me sanity when I fell into a depression in 2013 and it filled a void? What void am I trying to fill instead of dealing with it?

After my left arm went numb, I lost mobility in my hand. My next setback. 6-8 weeks of both physical and occupational therapy 3x a week. WTF!!!  I thought to myself, I am done. This is not gonna happen. And it didn't.  I was unable to compete in WBFF Rhode Island that November.  The first WBFF show I went to  the year before, that made me decide to compete.  And now I can't be a part of that. I was pissed off and again found myself angry.

During the weeks of PT and OT, it gave me time to reset and re evaluate what I'm doing and why.  And boy was that process ugly.  Not only  did my insecurities come out, but this time I was backing them up with excuses. Are you ready for my excuses?

This industry is for the young sexy Latina girl and the blue eyed blond girl.  I have no business competing.  That same year, my teammate, Courtney Allen won her pro card and later that year, WBFF Pro Fleur Yvette won in the Championships in Montreal.  Two beautiful black women with amazing physiques.  The Universe, God, whatever or whomever you chose to believe in got in my face and told me to STFU.  You either want it or you don't.  You are either going to work for it or you're not.  Stop bullshitting. Stop hiding and most importantly stop making excuses.  Check yourself! And I did.

I love the stage. I love working out and I love competing. We all want the prize at the end. I would be lying to you if I said I didn't care about that.  But I win regardless.  Because through ALL my insecurities, setbacks and hardships, I had an amazing coach, teammates, friends and family who carried me through this process and continue to be there for me.  I will NEVER forget that.  I am truly honored to be on the Elite Heat team. I am grateful for my family and friends.  There's nothing in the world that can replace the lessons I've learned while pushing my way through comp prep.  The new relationships Ive built on this team and the closer bonds I formed with my family especially my daughter.

I've shared my struggles and obstacles with my 8 year old daughter. I know that, although she is fearless now, one day she will find out about her shortcomings, will make mistakes and go trough hardships. I am ready to show her how to fight and work through them.  And I get to do it with one of the things I truly love to do with the right positive mindset; working out, competing and most importantly inspiring people to go after their goals in life no matter what.

What do I want out of this? To pay it forward. Give back the way this process has been rewarded to me. I want to give myself and help a person in need the way Ashley McCormack has done for me. I want to be that breath of fresh air, motivation and inspiration at the perfect time, the way Courtney Allen was for me. I want to be the person you can say what ever to me without judgement or restrictions when angry, the way Joanne Cajuste was for me. I want to change lives the way my coach and now my dear friend has changed my life.

I want to be my daughter's role model and show her that no matter what stage you are on in life, you can achieve the impossible by NEVER giving up.

Everyone has a moment and a time to shine and inspire someone...Saturday will be my moment and time.

Follow Jennifer as she makes her WBFF Diva Fitness Model Debut!!!

(Wo)Man in the Mirror.....

My name is Jennifer Castillo. I am 23 years old, and I will be competing for the first time on July 11th.  My reason for competing is deeper than just wanting to look pretty on stage and showing off my muscles.  Its about a journey on building self confidence and finding happiness within myself.  For many years, I was self conscious about how I looked because I believed I didn't have an attractive feminine body.  I would always tell myself I looked like a 12 year old boy with no behind and a man chest. Because of that, I considered myself to be ugly.  My own negative thoughts were eating me alive.  Now I have learned that is is not how you look that makes you beautiful but how you feel about yourself on the inside.  Fitness brought me the confidence I needed to believe in myself not just because working out kept my body in shape but the happiness it gave me.  Everyday, I look forward to going to the gym and challenging my body and everyday I surprise myself on what my body is capable of doing.  In the back of my mind, I always thought of the idea of wanting to compete but I've always been such a shy person.  I couldn't imagine myself walking across a state in front of hundreds of people.  It wasn't until I met former Elite Heat member Laura, who introduced me to the Elite Heat and the world of beauty and fitness.  I saw all the amazing pictures of her transformation throughout here competition years and it truly inspired me.  I thought to myself, if she can do it, then why can't I.




On July 11th, I will no longer be this shy girl who's self conscious about herself. Instead, I will be a strong confident woman showing everyone how happy I am to be in my own skin.

Follow Sabrina as she makes her WBFF Diva Bikini Debut!!

The grass is not always greener...

For me, the journey to stepping on stage has been emotionally trans formative as it has been physically.

Growing up I was criticized constantly for being too skinny.  People would make comments about it relentlessly - "Ugh, you're SO skinny", "Go eat a cheeseburger","Easy for you to say, you're skinny!"  As many comments as the people made about wanting to be skinny, I began hating myself for it, and became extremely self -conscious of how long and lean I was.

Everyone is met with obstacles in life, and I was faced with a few that really knocked me down and kept me down for a while.  But after each one I pressed forward stronger and learned to grow from each challenge I was faced with. The problem was that as much as I had accomplished and as much adversity as I had overcome, inside I still felt like that skinny self- conscious little girl I had always been.  I couldn't shake her.  

For me, there is something that translates from physical strength into being able to feel confident in all other areas of your life. The first time I stepped into the weight room at the gym, I had not idea what I was doing. I just anted to get in shape for summer.  What it turned into was something so much greater than I had ever imagined.  The more work I put in at the gym to becoming physically stronger, the more my emotional strength befitted. 

After a while, I started asking myself "what next" - I loved the changes I was seeing in my mind and body and loved that every day I was becoming a better version of myself than the day before.  With that in mind, I decided I wanted to start competing and joined the Elite Heat to surround myself with like minded women searching for the same things I was.

One thing I know for sure is that this competition is not the end of my journey; it's the very beginning. When you are on a mission to be the very best you can be, there's no tellin where your drive will take you.

WBFF Diva Bikini Competitor Suehade

If I had to do it over....

The question I get asked the most is " Why are you doing this?".  My answer is always the same.  I do it for the gains, both physically and mentally.  I've always enjoyed working out.  I love the science behind it. The strength aspect of bodybuilding, seeing progress (even if it is slow, little progress) and working towards a goal.  I am the queen of anxiety, and lifting became my stress reliever and somewhat therapeutic for me.  The time I spend at the gym is my 'me time'.

I decided to compete after my sister convinced/begged me to. I took the opportunity to help me get to where I wanted to be physically but what I got out of it was so much more. You will be surprised how much you learn about yourself when the pressure is on.  You'll tell yourself a million reasons to quit but hold on to that one reason not to. It has helped me build character and discipline.  It has made me a little more fearless and carefree.

It took me a whole year before saying yes to competing because I feared failure, rejection and criticism.  I feared everything and often did not try new things. Now, I look back at things and say, 'Why didn't I go for it?'  'Why was I so scared?'  ' Who cares what people think?'  If it makes me happy, why not???  In this particular case, my complaining about food and soreness may make it seem like I am not happy, but I really am enjoying myself. :D

I am going on my third show, and every prep is a different experience.  I don' t remember much about what I did on stage, but I do remember the journey. I remember Clare, Josie, and I dancing backstage waiting on the ok to eat carbs. I remember Jasmine and I standing side by side throughout the competition cheering each other on.  For this show, my goal is to bring a better version of me. Not matter the outcome, I know I busted my ass and I know how far Ive come. In reality, it's me vs me.

This show has also been special to me because now I will be sharing the stage with 8 beautiful women from my team. We started the journey together and I've witnessed their growth, hard work and dedication.  I can't wait to see us strut our stuff. In the words of Marj, 'we cute'.

I thank everyone who has put up with me during prep.  My amazing coach and teammates whom inspire me everyday.  I thank you.  To my support crew, Azzie, Arianda and Mayra, I appreciate you guys and wouldn't be able to do this without you there.  But a huge special, on my knees, kiss the floor thank you goes to my Mom.  She has been recovering from her second spinal surgery but has gone above and beyond for me, prepping my meals, hunting down my dress and coming along with me whenever I needed a hand.  Best Mom EVER!

I'm not saving the world here, but it's nice to know you're surrounded by awesome people who will support you in whatever mess you decide to get into.  Some people may not full understand the why, but that's ok. They don't have to.  This lifestyle is not an easy one. It doesn't make me special nor does it make me better than anyone, but it's the one I chose.  It's the one that has made me healthier both physically and mentally.  On that note, I am so read to do this.

I still get nervous, but that's part of the fun....