Follow Daphne as she makes her WBFF Fitness Diva Model Debut!!!

Continuing the Journey to Learn, Grow, and INSPIRE....

Here I go again.  This Saturday, I will be on stage competing with the WBFF Show in NYC!!  Preparing for this competition was nothing like the first time around.

In April 2014, my goal was to face my fear of getting on stage in a bikini.  I couldn't tell you how afraid I was with just the thought, let alone actually going through with it.  But none the less, it turned out to be one of the best moments in my life.  I had such a great experience prepping for my first show.  I just made up my mind that the only thing I was going to do was to have fun and showcase my hard work.  Ad that's exactly what happened.  I had the time of my life.  Still nervous as hell, but I had a blast. I promised myself to live in every moment and appreciate it, instead of thinking about the 'competition' aspect of the show. 

That evening, I placed second in Diva Bikini Masters. I was so proud of myself and happy that I was able to do something that made my daughter proud of me.  She was one of the biggest motivations.  As parents, we sometimes look for moments for our children to do things to make us look good. I think it should be the opposite.  As parents, we should constantly work on ourselves and have our children feel proud of us.  They will learn to understand what it takes to motivate and inspire themselves and others.  

With that being said, after I placed second, I couldn't wait to prepare for my next competition and see if I can 'bring a better package to the stage' as a competitor would say.  But after binging on not so clean food, I ended up looking like I did when I had prepped before my first comp.  I was so disappointed in myself and had my first setback.  I started doubting whether or not I could even do this. When I finally found the motivation to 'go hard' in the gym again, I pushed too hard and my left arm went numb.  I pusched hard with the wrong mindset and wrong motivation.  I pushed with anger, anxiety and pressure that I believed people placed on me.  The 'people' aka the voices of insecurities started creeping in.  Mine said ' You placed second. Everyone will expect you to place first'  ' People are expecting you to get your pro card.

I was no longer having fund and couldn't remember why I was even doing this anymore.  Am I doing this because I am trying to prove something? What and to who? Am I doing this because my coach worked so hard to get me to this point and I don't want to let her down? Am I doing this because I received so much praise the first time and I need it to feel good about myself? Am I doing this because this is the one thing that brought me sanity when I fell into a depression in 2013 and it filled a void? What void am I trying to fill instead of dealing with it?

After my left arm went numb, I lost mobility in my hand. My next setback. 6-8 weeks of both physical and occupational therapy 3x a week. WTF!!!  I thought to myself, I am done. This is not gonna happen. And it didn't.  I was unable to compete in WBFF Rhode Island that November.  The first WBFF show I went to  the year before, that made me decide to compete.  And now I can't be a part of that. I was pissed off and again found myself angry.

During the weeks of PT and OT, it gave me time to reset and re evaluate what I'm doing and why.  And boy was that process ugly.  Not only  did my insecurities come out, but this time I was backing them up with excuses. Are you ready for my excuses?

This industry is for the young sexy Latina girl and the blue eyed blond girl.  I have no business competing.  That same year, my teammate, Courtney Allen won her pro card and later that year, WBFF Pro Fleur Yvette won in the Championships in Montreal.  Two beautiful black women with amazing physiques.  The Universe, God, whatever or whomever you chose to believe in got in my face and told me to STFU.  You either want it or you don't.  You are either going to work for it or you're not.  Stop bullshitting. Stop hiding and most importantly stop making excuses.  Check yourself! And I did.

I love the stage. I love working out and I love competing. We all want the prize at the end. I would be lying to you if I said I didn't care about that.  But I win regardless.  Because through ALL my insecurities, setbacks and hardships, I had an amazing coach, teammates, friends and family who carried me through this process and continue to be there for me.  I will NEVER forget that.  I am truly honored to be on the Elite Heat team. I am grateful for my family and friends.  There's nothing in the world that can replace the lessons I've learned while pushing my way through comp prep.  The new relationships Ive built on this team and the closer bonds I formed with my family especially my daughter.

I've shared my struggles and obstacles with my 8 year old daughter. I know that, although she is fearless now, one day she will find out about her shortcomings, will make mistakes and go trough hardships. I am ready to show her how to fight and work through them.  And I get to do it with one of the things I truly love to do with the right positive mindset; working out, competing and most importantly inspiring people to go after their goals in life no matter what.

What do I want out of this? To pay it forward. Give back the way this process has been rewarded to me. I want to give myself and help a person in need the way Ashley McCormack has done for me. I want to be that breath of fresh air, motivation and inspiration at the perfect time, the way Courtney Allen was for me. I want to be the person you can say what ever to me without judgement or restrictions when angry, the way Joanne Cajuste was for me. I want to change lives the way my coach and now my dear friend has changed my life.

I want to be my daughter's role model and show her that no matter what stage you are on in life, you can achieve the impossible by NEVER giving up.

Everyone has a moment and a time to shine and inspire someone...Saturday will be my moment and time.

Follow Daphne as she makes her WBFF Diva Bikini Debut

His Death Ignited My Vision...

I never really struggled with weight until after getting married and giving birth to my beautiful baby.  I guess with the balancing act of having a career in the financial world,coupled with being a wife and mom, it finally took its' toll on me.  Not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. After several years of what seemed like an out of control, undisciplined lifestyle, I knew I needed to do something and get my life in order.  I chose to start with my weight. I couldn't believe how much weight I gained and I started to hide who I knew I was behind it.  A person who was once confident, believing she could achieve whatever her heart desired was feeling insecure, ashamed, embarrassed and ugly.  I started going to the gym and I was losing weight, but I as what you called ' skinny fat'.  You know, when you look great in clothes, but once the clothes came off, everything else falls out along with it.  

I could not figure it out.  I was no stranger to the gym.  When I was 21, I went to the gym all the time and in three weeks, I was in shape again.  I was going to the gym for about a year and still left with a gut and skinny legs.  I decided to hire a trainer. His name was Alex.  I told him my story, and he said to me, ' You are not 21. You are 36. And there are factors in your life that you didn't have when you were young that can affect you physically. Some of those factors are stress related.' 

In my research regarding fitness, I came across an advertisement that asked  - Do YOU want to look like a fitness competitor/model - And immediately thought HELL YEAH!   This brought me to another personal trainer named Jennifer.  Her program alongside Alex's guidance at the gym triggered the necessary changes in my body.  Nutrition was a huge part of the program, and believe it or not, getting plenty of rest.  Jennifer then planted the competition seed. ' You are training so hard, so why not compete?'  I was so excited that she actually thought that I could compete and at the moment I believed I could too,...and then I got into my head.  I didn't think I was pretty enough.  I didn't believe my body would ever look like the girls on stage and that BIKINI! It's way too small. There's no way I'm wearing that.  I prepped for roughly four months for a show in April of 2013, and then I chickened out.  The thought of getting on that stage freaked me out! ' I am going to FAIL! I am going to look stupid.  It's not gonna happen'

That summer, I lost Alex to a massive heart attack.  I knew him for about a year and a half so he was not only my trainer. He was my big brother, and a good friend.  Competing came back into my head. One thing he always told me was that I needed to remain consistent.  Stop putting in the work, and then just give up.  Then, a couple of months later, I lost my job. These events kicked the 'thought' of competing into 'action'.  It was time to face my fears.  I had to do this, for me. For other women like me who feel like they are too old, or don't have time, or can't juggle that lifestyle and a family.  For the mothers who are tired of their ever changing bodies and want to FEEL SEXY again!  I reached out to Malenna, and she responded right away. I went to a workshop and was blown away by the warmness of The Elite Heat, the fitness team.  Right then and there, my journey began.  It's been an amazing journey. The physical aspect was pretty easy. I was able to stick to the diet and fitness program.  The emotional and mental part was my challenge.  Everyday, I worked through so many of my insecurities, and built up my confidence.  And now, I could and would probably walk the streets of NYC with a bikini and heels in a heartbeat! 

All that being said, that was not even the best part of this journey.  The best part to me was meeting so many amazing women and the support they have provided me throughout. I cannot wait to hit the stage!!!

In loving memory of Alex Hillian

1970 - 2013